once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
NoShamevember. You game?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
