she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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