So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
