that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
