Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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