He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
