Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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