I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
