Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
