"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
