why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
