so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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