By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
