I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
