The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize