all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
