batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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