It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
