I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
