Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
