Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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