There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
