I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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