If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
