Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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