youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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