There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
