My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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