I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
