She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
