i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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