I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
