If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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