My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
