Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
