Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
