Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
