I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
