He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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