you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
