I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
