Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
