Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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