My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
