Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pants are for mortals
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize