I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Pooping to opera.
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