I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
