I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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