I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
God, I missed his penis.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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