I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
