I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
