It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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