if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
