Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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