i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We had sex on a dog bed..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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