i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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