Are we in a gay sports bar?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
