my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sobbing to NWA
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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