I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
