Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
