when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
