I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
