Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i think im in europe. pls send help
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
