Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
