Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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