how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize