and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
