you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
