I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
