She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
