that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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