I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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