At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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