Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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