This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm passing your future prison.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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